[Katsuki hadn't meant to fall asleep on Yoosung's couch. He'd lost track of time, watching a movie with him. And like clockwork he was out like a light at nine. Head down on Yoosung's shoulder.
It's easy enough to get him to lay down so Yoosung can escape. And for the first hour he sleeps peacefully. Then the nightmare starts.]
[It's become more and more common as the months have passed. As more memories have returned it's gotten worse. This other version of himself. He's younger than Katsuki is. A teenager wearing a school uniform. It always starts the same. With him bullying someone. The details and victim ever changing. Tonight he's using his quirk on another boy. They scramble back, trying to talk him down, voice muffled, but Katsuki still advances, palms crackling. He can't stop himself. Can't control himself.
His greatest fear--that this is who he's becoming.]
Pathetic! Weak! The world doesn't need losers like you!
[He uses the quirk on the other boy, causing them to cry out in pain. To try to escape. Katsuki tries to fight the actions. He can feel tears pouring down his face as he fights back. But the words still pour out, making him feel sick.]
The world would be better if you would just die. So why don't you do something good for once and take yourself out?
[Yoosung had left Katsuki with a pillow and a blanket and gone to bed in his own room. Once he's fallen asleep and is dreaming, though, it's strange.
He's in a classroom, maybe? In his pajamas? He hears Katsuki's voice and turns to see his back, noting that he's his own height for some reason instead of taller than him, like he usually is.
It registers what he's saying, how is palms are crackling, and worry spikes. He dashes over to him and tries to lay a hand on his shoulder.]
[Katsuki’s heart lurches at that voice. The look on his face doesn't match the way he's talking or his body language at all when he turns. His hand right reaches out, towards Yoosung, threatening, crackling dangerously. Katsuki's eyes follow the motion with dawning horror. His left hand jerking up to grab the right's wrist weakly. Yoosung's appearance destabilizing the dream enough for him to get some kind of control.]
[There's no fear in Yoosung's eyes, only confusion. Why should there be fear, when he's never had cause to be afraid of Katsuki? He trusts him. Which makes this dream feel even more odd, really, that Katsuki should be threatening at all in his dream... (While also appearing younger, and Yoosung didn't know him at this age?)
He does notice the struggle Katsuki seems to be going through, though, both in his expression and the way he grabs his opposite hand like he's fighting against his own body.
If he knew this was really Katsuki, that he was in Katsuki's dream, he would do what Katsuki asks and stay away. As it is, he's still in the mistaken belief that it's his own dream... So he steps closer instead, and reaches to touch his face with tenderness and concern. Katsuki looks so scared, and it hurts his heart to see that.]
[At the contact Katsuki manages to force the right hand down, the explosions dying out. His eyes squeeze shut and he lets out a shuddering breath. And suddenly he's himself again. A young adult in a tank top and basketball shorts.
He has no way of knowing Yoosung is actually in his dream. That he isn't just a figment of the dream. Even so, once he has control he jerks back. Moves away from the touch. The comfort. He stumbles back against the classroom wall. He wipes at his face furiously, scrubbing at the tears.]
[Oh, this version of him he's more familiar with. Although he's never seen Katsuki this upset before.
Yoosung follows him, remaining close, even tries to take one of his hands to hold. Not giving up or backing away because why should he? If this is his dream, he can be as hands-on and as close as he wants, without worrying about lasting repercussions.]
[He tries to pull away from the hand reaching for his. Scared. His hands are dangerous. What if he can't control them again? Even in a dream, he doesn't want to hurt Yoosung.]
I'll hurt you! Didn't you see what I did? Hear what I said?
[For now, Yoosung doesn't force that contact, not when the reaction is so strong. But he remains close, and pulls a handkerchief from nowhere (dream logic?) that he uses to try and wipe some of Katsuki's tears.]
Yeah... But I'm also seeing your reaction to it, wangjanim.
[Okay, so it's not a term often used outside of period K-dramas but it's sweet and romantic and Yoosung has already been calling Katsuki this in his own dreams, to be quite honest.]
You were also just a teenager, right? You're an adult now.
[Wangjanim? Katsuki lifts his head a little to stare at Yoosung. He reaches up and grabs Yoosung's wrist. Solid. He's solid, Katsuki realizes. His eyes lock on Yoosung's, surprised.]
Wangjanim? Wait. Are you...
[Something about the realization that this might actually be Yoosung in front of him is enough to jolt him awake. He sits bolt upright on the couch, in the dark. He sits there, replaying the dream in his head for a moment before scrambling off the couch and rushing to Yoosung's bedroom door to knock. If he were more coherent he might find the whole idea a little silly, really. But fresh from the dream all he can think is... what did he experience just now?]
[The way Katsuki suddenly stares at him is startling, and looking into his eyes has him starting to wonder too, because what he sees there feels very alive...
He doesn't get the chance to answer or ask any question of his own before he's essentially tossed out of the dream and into the waking world.
Yoosung blinks up at his dark ceiling several times before startling at the knocking on his door. He scrambles out of bed, turning on his galaxy projector since it's closer than his lamp. It casts less light but it does project moving stars all over the room. It's enough to see things by so he heads over to the door to open it, rubbing one of his eyes as he does.]
[It sounds crazy. Maybe he's losing his mind? Maybe he just really wanted someone to talk to him like that?
For Yoosung to talk to him like that?
But he's already asked the question, standing in Yoosung's doorway in the middle of the night. The only light on them from the star projector, giving the whole thing a surreal feeling.]
[That's. That's certainly a question. If it weren't for the last few seconds of that dream he'd think it was an accusation about, like, his feelings for Katsuki or something. As it is he does feel a second's surge of panic before he recalls and-- right. Right.]
Y.. yeah... Like we were in the same dream? Oh, um... come in...
[He moves out of the doorway and heads back to his bed to sit on it, motioning for Katsuki to follow him.]
Ah, do you want some water or...?
[Maybe this is a dumb time to ask but Yoosung seems to recall Nanny bringing him a glass of water when he woke up from a nightmare growing up?]
[That response is a relief. But leaves him with more questions than answers. He moves to sit beside Yoosung on the bed.]
I'm good.
[Maybe after they talk, he'll want some water. But right now his mind is racing. He has so many questions. What was that? How did they have a shared dream? Was it something Yoosung did?
[Yoosung nods, looking guilty, feeling guilty, even though...]
I didn't do it on purpose, I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to intrude! I don't even... I don't even know how it happened! I don't think I've ever been in someone else's dream before...
[And he is assuming it was Katsuki's dream and not his own now just based on the contents of it, not to mention the fact that Katsuki was asleep before Yoosung was, so it would make more sense that way.]
[They can figure out what happened later. Right now he has something else he wants to discuss.]
It's... the other me. The one from my memories. I've seen him doing shit like that. Hurting people. Saying shit no one should say. Someone suggested we might be turning into these people from our memories. If that's true then...
But, like I said in the dream, he was younger than you... Just a teenager, you know? Like... I got bullied as a teenager but I wouldn't hold that against those people as adults?
[He's not sure this is helping. Part of him wishes he still thought this was just a dream and then he wouldn't be worrying so much about if he's saying the right thing or not. But really that wouldn't be any good either because it was still Katsuki even if he'd only thought it was dream version Katsuki.]
Yeah. He was just a kid. But kids grow into adults. If he stayed on that kind of path... I keep hurting people. I yelled at this girl last month. Just a kid. Because she defended the guy who caused that whole mess. I yelled at him too. And he was also just a kid.
[Actually, this now makes... four kids... that he's yelled at? He's feeling like he was the asshole...]
If I'm turning into him then it's only gonna get worse. What if there's nothing I can do to stop it?
Katsuki... Yelling doesn't make you a bad person...
[He scoots a little closer to him, if he'll allow it, looking at him with shiny eyes, unshed tears just because he's feeling a lot. His heart aches for him again. He wants to hold his hand. He also really wants to kiss him, but he wouldn't dare. Not just because he's afraid what would happen but it also doesn't feel like the right time, it doesn't feel like it would actually help Katsuki right now even if he did return his feelings.]
You might have some issues with anger or something but that's always something we can work on. And I think it says a lot that you're worried about this, you know? It's also never too late to apologize, if you feel badly about something you said or did.
[When Yoosung moves closer, Katsuki leans towards him a bit, unthinkingly. Instinctively. He wants to rest his head on Yoosung's shoulder. But he doesn't.
Something we can work on. He doesn't miss that. And he can't put words to how it makes him feel.
Never too late to apologize.
He's standing in the rain, across from someone he's hurt. Someone he's tried to break down. They're surrounded by mostly unfamiliar faces.
"I know it doesn't mean anything, telling you this. But... I'm sorry for everything I've done until this point."
The other boy, looking dead tired and beaten, stumbles forward. He's saying something Katsuki can't hear. But as he pitches forward, passing out, Katsuki is moving to catch him.
Katsuki inhales sharply. Surprised by the memory. By the remorse. The sincerity.
Maybe...
He swallows.
And drops his head against Yoosung's shoulder.]
You said something like that in the dream too. About my reaction.
[And called him something... what had he called him?]
[Ah... Had Katsuki remembered something? It would be the first time that's happened while Yoosung was with him. It's happened a few times for Yoosung, but not the other way around, as far as he knows.
Yoosung doesn't prod him about it, though. But he is a little surprised when Katsuki's head touches his shoulder. Surprised and so, so pleased. He leans his head against Katsuki's, and touches his hand with his own, just a few fingers draping over his.]
Maybe because... the world needs more kindness? And I wanna be one of those people who helps people who need it... [A pause, and he says more quietly, with a soft little laugh at the end:] But... Also because I just like you a whole lot, ehehe...
[They always end up like this. Close together. Touching. Holding hands. Talking about emotional shit. And now Yoosung is saying he likes him. And okay... that... doesn't mean he likes him that way. Katsuki knows that. But he lets Yoosung's fingers thread with his. Watching it.]
...like you a lot too.
[Katsuki, normally so loud, says this very softly.]
In the near-dark of the room, with the stars swirling around them in a fantastical, romantic kind of way... it's so easy to be like this, to drown in this sort of moment, speaking quiet confessions of feelings to one another, even if they may not necessarily be romantic ones. (Yoosung's are.)
Yoosung wants it to last forever. He sighs, a soft happy noise, against Katsuki's hair, before he whispers more.]
I'm really happy you do... And I hope you'll let me stay by you and help you be... Whatever kind of person you want to be. Because I wanna help you be that person, Katsuki.
[He doesn't know what to do with words like that. They make him feel stupidly warm all over and put a soft little ache in his heart.
It feels like a perfect moment.
He could make himself clearer. That the things he's been feeling are definitely more than friendship. That he wants to kiss him.
Maybe he could kiss him. Here in the dark, lit only by the star projector.
But he doesn't.
Yoosung is kind and warm and accepts him flaws and all. And he deserves the kind of person Katsuki can't claim to be yet. The kind of person he wants to be.]
Like I could ever get rid of you. So clingy.
[But as he says it, he squeezes Yoosung's hand. He doesn't mind.]
[He giggles at the teasing, clearly just pleased and not offended. He squeezes Katsuki's hand back.
Wanna be the kind of person you believe I can be.
Why is it those words hit so hard? It's almost like he's saying he wants to be better for him? But he's not really saying that, right? Yoosung's reading too much into it, hearing what he wants to hear in those words.
Oh, but it makes him blush harder, heart still racing. He nuzzles his nose into Katsuki's hair, so tempted to drop a kiss there.]
You'd never have to change for me, you know. I'll be here no matter what. Like you said, you can't get rid of me~~
[He sing-songs that last bit before speaking seriously again. Serious, but soft, and sweet.]
But... But if you feel you need to change for you, I'll help, like I said. Just don't change for me because I like you anyway. And any way that you are.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Nightmares & Hero Costumes | September 7th 1/2
It's easy enough to get him to lay down so Yoosung can escape. And for the first hour he sleeps peacefully. Then the nightmare starts.]
2/2 CW: bullying and suicide baiting.
His greatest fear--that this is who he's becoming.]
Pathetic! Weak! The world doesn't need losers like you!
[He uses the quirk on the other boy, causing them to cry out in pain. To try to escape. Katsuki tries to fight the actions. He can feel tears pouring down his face as he fights back. But the words still pour out, making him feel sick.]
The world would be better if you would just die. So why don't you do something good for once and take yourself out?
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He's in a classroom, maybe? In his pajamas? He hears Katsuki's voice and turns to see his back, noting that he's his own height for some reason instead of taller than him, like he usually is.
It registers what he's saying, how is palms are crackling, and worry spikes. He dashes over to him and tries to lay a hand on his shoulder.]
Katsuki?!
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N-no! S-stay back! I c-can't...
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He does notice the struggle Katsuki seems to be going through, though, both in his expression and the way he grabs his opposite hand like he's fighting against his own body.
If he knew this was really Katsuki, that he was in Katsuki's dream, he would do what Katsuki asks and stay away. As it is, he's still in the mistaken belief that it's his own dream... So he steps closer instead, and reaches to touch his face with tenderness and concern. Katsuki looks so scared, and it hurts his heart to see that.]
It's okay... I'm not scared of you.
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He has no way of knowing Yoosung is actually in his dream. That he isn't just a figment of the dream. Even so, once he has control he jerks back. Moves away from the touch. The comfort. He stumbles back against the classroom wall. He wipes at his face furiously, scrubbing at the tears.]
You should be!
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Yoosung follows him, remaining close, even tries to take one of his hands to hold. Not giving up or backing away because why should he? If this is his dream, he can be as hands-on and as close as he wants, without worrying about lasting repercussions.]
Why?
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[He tries to pull away from the hand reaching for his. Scared. His hands are dangerous. What if he can't control them again? Even in a dream, he doesn't want to hurt Yoosung.]
I'll hurt you! Didn't you see what I did? Hear what I said?
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Yeah... But I'm also seeing your reaction to it, wangjanim.
[Okay, so it's not a term often used outside of period K-dramas but it's sweet and romantic and Yoosung has already been calling Katsuki this in his own dreams, to be quite honest.]
You were also just a teenager, right? You're an adult now.
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Wangjanim? Wait. Are you...
[Something about the realization that this might actually be Yoosung in front of him is enough to jolt him awake. He sits bolt upright on the couch, in the dark. He sits there, replaying the dream in his head for a moment before scrambling off the couch and rushing to Yoosung's bedroom door to knock. If he were more coherent he might find the whole idea a little silly, really. But fresh from the dream all he can think is... what did he experience just now?]
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He doesn't get the chance to answer or ask any question of his own before he's essentially tossed out of the dream and into the waking world.
Yoosung blinks up at his dark ceiling several times before startling at the knocking on his door. He scrambles out of bed, turning on his galaxy projector since it's closer than his lamp. It casts less light but it does project moving stars all over the room. It's enough to see things by so he heads over to the door to open it, rubbing one of his eyes as he does.]
Katsuki...?
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[It sounds crazy. Maybe he's losing his mind? Maybe he just really wanted someone to talk to him like that?
For Yoosung to talk to him like that?
But he's already asked the question, standing in Yoosung's doorway in the middle of the night. The only light on them from the star projector, giving the whole thing a surreal feeling.]
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Y.. yeah... Like we were in the same dream? Oh, um... come in...
[He moves out of the doorway and heads back to his bed to sit on it, motioning for Katsuki to follow him.]
Ah, do you want some water or...?
[Maybe this is a dumb time to ask but Yoosung seems to recall Nanny bringing him a glass of water when he woke up from a nightmare growing up?]
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I'm good.
[Maybe after they talk, he'll want some water. But right now his mind is racing. He has so many questions. What was that? How did they have a shared dream? Was it something Yoosung did?
But the first thing he asks...]
Do you remember what you saw in there?
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I didn't do it on purpose, I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to intrude! I don't even... I don't even know how it happened! I don't think I've ever been in someone else's dream before...
[And he is assuming it was Katsuki's dream and not his own now just based on the contents of it, not to mention the fact that Katsuki was asleep before Yoosung was, so it would make more sense that way.]
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[They can figure out what happened later. Right now he has something else he wants to discuss.]
It's... the other me. The one from my memories. I've seen him doing shit like that. Hurting people. Saying shit no one should say. Someone suggested we might be turning into these people from our memories. If that's true then...
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[He's not sure this is helping. Part of him wishes he still thought this was just a dream and then he wouldn't be worrying so much about if he's saying the right thing or not. But really that wouldn't be any good either because it was still Katsuki even if he'd only thought it was dream version Katsuki.]
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[Actually, this now makes... four kids... that he's yelled at? He's feeling like he was the asshole...]
If I'm turning into him then it's only gonna get worse. What if there's nothing I can do to stop it?
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[He scoots a little closer to him, if he'll allow it, looking at him with shiny eyes, unshed tears just because he's feeling a lot. His heart aches for him again. He wants to hold his hand. He also really wants to kiss him, but he wouldn't dare. Not just because he's afraid what would happen but it also doesn't feel like the right time, it doesn't feel like it would actually help Katsuki right now even if he did return his feelings.]
You might have some issues with anger or something but that's always something we can work on. And I think it says a lot that you're worried about this, you know? It's also never too late to apologize, if you feel badly about something you said or did.
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Something we can work on. He doesn't miss that. And he can't put words to how it makes him feel.
Never too late to apologize.
He's standing in the rain, across from someone he's hurt. Someone he's tried to break down. They're surrounded by mostly unfamiliar faces.
"I know it doesn't mean anything, telling you this. But... I'm sorry for everything I've done until this point."
The other boy, looking dead tired and beaten, stumbles forward. He's saying something Katsuki can't hear. But as he pitches forward, passing out, Katsuki is moving to catch him.
Katsuki inhales sharply. Surprised by the memory. By the remorse. The sincerity.
Maybe...
He swallows.
And drops his head against Yoosung's shoulder.]
You said something like that in the dream too. About my reaction.
[And called him something... what had he called him?]
How the hell are you always so nice?
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Yoosung doesn't prod him about it, though. But he is a little surprised when Katsuki's head touches his shoulder. Surprised and so, so pleased. He leans his head against Katsuki's, and touches his hand with his own, just a few fingers draping over his.]
Maybe because... the world needs more kindness? And I wanna be one of those people who helps people who need it... [A pause, and he says more quietly, with a soft little laugh at the end:] But... Also because I just like you a whole lot, ehehe...
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...like you a lot too.
[Katsuki, normally so loud, says this very softly.]
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In the near-dark of the room, with the stars swirling around them in a fantastical, romantic kind of way... it's so easy to be like this, to drown in this sort of moment, speaking quiet confessions of feelings to one another, even if they may not necessarily be romantic ones. (Yoosung's are.)
Yoosung wants it to last forever. He sighs, a soft happy noise, against Katsuki's hair, before he whispers more.]
I'm really happy you do... And I hope you'll let me stay by you and help you be... Whatever kind of person you want to be. Because I wanna help you be that person, Katsuki.
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It feels like a perfect moment.
He could make himself clearer. That the things he's been feeling are definitely more than friendship. That he wants to kiss him.
Maybe he could kiss him. Here in the dark, lit only by the star projector.
But he doesn't.
Yoosung is kind and warm and accepts him flaws and all. And he deserves the kind of person Katsuki can't claim to be yet. The kind of person he wants to be.]
Like I could ever get rid of you. So clingy.
[But as he says it, he squeezes Yoosung's hand. He doesn't mind.]
Wanna be the kind of person you believe I can be.
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Wanna be the kind of person you believe I can be.
Why is it those words hit so hard? It's almost like he's saying he wants to be better for him? But he's not really saying that, right? Yoosung's reading too much into it, hearing what he wants to hear in those words.
Oh, but it makes him blush harder, heart still racing. He nuzzles his nose into Katsuki's hair, so tempted to drop a kiss there.]
You'd never have to change for me, you know. I'll be here no matter what. Like you said, you can't get rid of me~~
[He sing-songs that last bit before speaking seriously again. Serious, but soft, and sweet.]
But... But if you feel you need to change for you, I'll help, like I said. Just don't change for me because I like you anyway. And any way that you are.
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cw self-harm thoughts???? Yoosung's a dumbass I'm sorry
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Cw: talk of reckless behavior and a near-stabbing
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